Cornucopia
by Brenda924
Summary: While decorating the School of Magic, Kalas and his Guardian Spirit get into an argument. Kalas is accused of many things. Does he hate babies? Is he sexist? Has he ever been pregnant? All this and more...


**Hello people! This my first oneshot, so tell me what you think! (I say that a lot, don't I?) Oh, and to all the people who have asked if I'm writing a third story, this is not the one I told you about. I just felt like writing it. I'm still working on the other one. Reviews are great and Flames will be posted on my (currently empty) List of Flames.**

**Special Announcement: New Baten Kaitos challenge! Let's get 200 stories up before New Years! **

**Disclaimer: I own Baten Kaitos. Unfortunately, buying the game does not give me the rights to it.  
**

* * *

Kalas was decorating one of the classrooms in the School of Magic for their annual Thanksgiving festival. The others in the group were each decorating their designated area of the school. 

Why? Because the All Mighty Guardian Spirit said to, that's why.

Anyways, Kalas had only a few more decorations left. He turned to a giant plastic cornucopia and thought about where to put it.

"_I think it should go by the door," _his Guardian Spirit commented.

"Really? I think it should hang from the ceiling," Kalas said.

"_It would be better by the door," _the Spirit insisted.

"But then people would only see it when they first come in!"

"_But it would be a nice piece to get the conversation started!"_

"It should hang from the ceiling," Kalas said firmly.

"_But nobody will see it if it goes on the ceiling!" _the Spirit protested.

"Yes they will! It's huge, how would they miss it?" Kalas questioned.

"_I don't know about you, but when I go into parties I don't look at the ceiling saying 'Oh my wow, look at all these decorations that people have decided to put on the ceiling!'" _the Spirit said sarcastically.

"Don't be ridiculous, people can't miss this thing! We could use some rope to hang it lower, so that it's right above people's heads," Kalas suggested.

"_What about the tall people? You want the tall people to hit their heads on it?"_

"We'd hang it high enough so that nobody would hit their heads on it, ok?"

"_How do you know how tall the tallest person is?"_

"I'm sure that eight or nine feet off the ground will be fine," Kalas said. "Nobody I've ever seen was taller than nine feet tall."

"_Have you seen everyone in the whole world?"_

"Well, no b-"

"_Have you even seen everyone in Anuenue?"_

"No, but-"

"_Then that settles that."_

"Look, I'm just going to hang it from the ceiling-"

"_But what if it falls? It could crush someone!"_ the Spirit protested.

"It won't fall, and it's not that heavy anyways," Kalas said.

"_It could kill a baby!" _the Spirit fretted.

"...there won't even be any babies here, you have to be a student to come," Kalas explained.

"_Well, what if one of the girls is pregnant? Do you want to kill the pregnant girl? _the Guardian Spirit questioned.

"No! And besides, this is going to be the room the teenagers come to; nobody in here should be pregnant..."

"_It doesn't matter if they __shouldn't __be pregnant, it matters if they __are__!"_

"Then we won't let any pregnant girls in!"

"_What?! You're only going to deny entrance to GIRLS???" _the Spirit said accusatorily.

"We'll, it would be their fault..." Kalas said.

"_It's just as much the father's fault!"_

"Well, if they know who the father is, we can kick them out,"

"_So only girls can get kicked out directly? Are you sexist?"_

"No, that's not it!" Kalas protested.

"_Kalas, have you ever been pregnant?!"_

"What? No! I'm a man!"

"_Boy,"_the Spirit corrected.

"Whatever! And we could just-"

"_No! End of conversation! The cornucopia goes by the door!"_

"Ceiling!"

"_Door!"_

"_Ceiling!"_

"We could make it a piñata," Kalas suggested.

"_But it's NOT a piñata!"_

"We could make it one! We could fill it with candy and give people sticks-"

"_Do you __want__ a lawsuit?!"_

"Huh?" Kalas asked stupidly.

"_You're seriously about to give a bunch of crazy teenagers sticks to hit things with? Are you insane?"_

"Well...we could supervise them!"

"_Uh-huh. Good luck with that. Especially once they get all that candy and sugar," _the Spirit said sarcastically.

"Well then, we could fill it with fruit. Like a real cornucopia," Kalas offered.

"_So you want people to hit fruit with a stick until it's all mushy, then have it fall on them?!"_

"Well...I mean...we could fill it with apples! Then they would have apple sauce!"

"_Do you REALLY think that the guests want apple sauce falling all over them? Especially when they know it was you and they're armed with sticks?"_

"Forget the fruit then. We could put a turkey in it and-"

"_A live turkey?"_

"Yeah! And then it would come out-"

"_You want to put a live turkey in a dark, airless container, have teenagers hit it with sticks, then have it fall to it's death?!"_the Spirit said angrily, _"That's animal cruelty! You could be arrested for that!"_

"No, I meant-"

"_I could call the cops right now!" _the Spirit said while pulling out a cell phone.

"What? You wouldn't!" Kalas panicked.

"_Animal hater!"_

"No, that's not what I-ok, no turkey piñatas!"

"_What's wrong with turkeys?"_ the Spirit asked.

"Nothings wrong with-"

"_I suppose that you're just not going to let turkeys in, huh?"_

"Well, no, actually," Kalas said slowly.

"_You're...you're...you're an animalist!"_

"What?!" Kalas said, shocked.

"_You're not going to let people in just because they're turkeys?!"  
_

"But...turkeys aren't people anyways..."

"_You think that they're not people just because they're different from you?!" _the Spirit accused._  
_

"No...they're not people because they're turkeys!" Kalas tried to explain.

"_Kalas! I never knew you were like that!"_

"Like what?"

"_So...so sexist and animalist! For all you know, __I__ could be a turkey!"_

"I'm not sexist or animalist! But...are you really a-"

"_No more talking! You're sexist and animalist, Kalas!"_ the Guardian Spirit yelled._  
_

"No I'm not!"

"_And you hate babies!"_

"What? Where did you get that idea?!" Kalas asked.

"_You don't care if a dead turkey falls from the ceiling and crushes a baby! What if it was a turkey baby? Do you hate baby turkeys, Kalas?"_

"Do I hate baby turkeys? What are you-"

"_Have you ever been pregnant with a baby turkey?!" _the Spirit asked Kalas angrily.

"...no, I can't say that I have..." Kalas said while giving the spot he imagined the Guardian Spirit to be a weird look.

"_Then why are you discriminating against all the people who have?"_

"I'm not! I was just saying that-"

"_Apologize, Kalas!"_ the Spirit demanded.

"I shouldn't have to apologize!" he yelled.

"_DO IT!!!"_

"...sorry," Kalas said begrudgingly.

"_Like you mean it!"_

"I...I'm sorry," Kalas said again.

"_For what?" _the Spirit prompted.

"I'm sorry for discriminating against girls, pregnant girls, turkeys, babies, and all combinations of those words," Kalas said.

"_Good,"_the Spirit said, _'now go put the cornucopia by the door before I use my All-Mighty Guardian Spirit powers on you." _

* * *

**So, what did you think of it? I didn't have very much time to do this, but I really wanted to write and post it. This whole thing actually happened in real life. I was the one who got to accuse my friend of never being pregnant with a baby turkey. Drama class is fun, isn't it? I might rewrite it depending on what the reviews say, providing that there are reviews. **

**-subliminal- review! -subliminal- **


End file.
